So today feels like I am walking on the road to Emmaus or living in that story somewhat. In the story in it is two men walking together, but in my story it is me and all of you who walk with me. Only in this story Jesus hasn't made his appearance yet. We are walking and for me this walk is a struggle lately. You see on my right are all of the people who journey with me supporting me along the way, and on the left or maybe even on my back is the black dog that is depression. As many of you know I struggle with major depressive disorder and since late February it has been pretty good. I have been feeling energetic, happy, and for the most part like I can tackle life. Recently though, my depression has gotten worse, especially over the past two weeks. So while I walk to Emmaus the journey for me has become arduous, difficult, a real challenge, but thinking about it, it shouldn't be a challenge because the road is smooth. It's an easy road, one without bumps or pot holes, a road that has probably recently been paved so it is really smooth and easy to walk on. So it isn't the road's fault really, it's who or what I walk with that is the problem and it's not you or y'all it's me or my depression really. See not to long ago this walk was lovely, I enjoyed the scenery, nature, and my company greatly. It wasn't until depression showed up that it has been hard. I'm weighed down, tired and sluggish, feeling like this journey isn't worth it and that Jesus will never show up. But that is why I keep walking, I know that something greater is going to come of this. I know that the depression, negative thoughts, and most of all my mental illness won't be the end of the story. I know I am walking for a reason. I know that on this road lies my purpose, the reason why I carry this black dog with me at times. Deep down, I know that Jesus has shown up already, and walks with me just like all of you. Sometimes he carries the depression for me, and sometimes that sly dog wiggles away.
You see Jesus is in all of it, the good the bad, the beautiful happiness and the overwhelming sadness, he's there. Jesus doesn't show up to take away the depression or mental illness, he shows up to let us know that he has walked with it on his back too, he has felt the pain and the sadness too, and he came back from it just like we will. Depression isn't the end of the story or even the story itself. It is a character that is with us at times and other times it retreats knowing that we are not only stronger than it, but we know we are stronger. We are for an indeterminate amount of time able to realize that we have a reason we are walking this road, that we matter to those we are walking with and really Jesus has shown up to walk with us. Jesus has been there with us whispering in that still small voice, "Go on, I am with you." So as you walk today whether it is easy or challenging remember that Jesus has shown up, Jesus is walking with us, sometimes cheering us on and sometimes carrying the load for us. No matter the conditions, He's there.
